Sunday, April 28, 2013

Be patient dear Loriana :)

It's almost five hours of sitting in front of the laptop today. Ant not to mention yesterday of non-stop printing and some notes finding. I barely went out yesterday to play some volleyball but I managed to steal some time and today, NO SPORTS or OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES!
Just great.
I'm struggling to finish my SBE folder by this weekend but then UAK for BMK and PKK are tomorrow! So again, I managed to steal some time to finish my folder and notes.
Seriously, this is a friggin' tiring work. I got headache due to too much of typing, google-ing, and no to mention my 'on-off' relationship with Mr. Printer. But thank God, he behaved quite well yesterday. :D

I need a rest.

I need a vacation.

I need to be at home.

Yup. Home is where paradise is. :)

p/s: will be back next weekend. hang in there Lor! :)

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Care or Not To Care

Maybe this will be the first time I tell about my feelings inside my blog. I might get all emo-ed up in previous posts which I can't remember but maybe this will be the ultimate of them all. Not to blame anyone. It's just my thought. No one should get offended. But if there are people who might think that I'm talking about them, I'm not here to judge you.

For almost 20 years being on this planet, no one, not a single soul could tell that I'm the most lonely person in this world. Maybe you'll see me laughing like I have no worries, play like I'm not old enough. But deep down, inside of me, no one could tell how lonely I am and how hurt I feels.

After having some deep thoughts, I thought that I might care for others too much. I mean, TOO MUCH. Too much until I can't even care for myself. Too much until I can take all the bullshits people throw at me and  kept it to myself. Honestly, I'm not that strong. My surroundings had made me who I became today. I have to be strong because I never have that someone who care about me.

I'll always be the one who care too much and get hurt. I'll always be the one who appreciate my loved ones too much until I can't even stand when they are hurting. But I just can't remember when was the last time people or even a person has come to me to me and ask this one particular question:

"Are you okay?"

or even

"You need someone to talk? I can lend you my shoulder or ears if you want."

I just can't remember being taken care of. All I remembered is how I took care of others, especially their feelings and couldn't be bothered to care for myself. The first step I've took to take care of myself is I would never let other boys hurt my feelings so if I'm not happy or he being unhappy or just have too much for himself, I'd rather let go than to hurt myself.

I've lost a friend once. A best friend. I don't know whether I'm too complicated or people just don't give a darn about me. People always have that someone or other people that they cared about but me? I'll always be the last to be concerned of. All the time. It's kinda rare for people to ask me how I felt or what do I think about something. My opinions are always wasteful. Am I saying something wrong? Correct me then.

JR said that I can change myself so that I won't hurt that bad. I just can't. Once you've become my friend, I'll always respect you. I'll always come to you whenever I have problems. I'll stay with you through ups and downs. I will.

Everything happens for a reason. Is it because I am not a good friend?
God, help me to go through everything because only You that I can count on right now.

1 Corinthians 10:13 
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 

p/s: Home is the only place that I could think of right now :(

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Motivation :,)

I was doing my assignments when I have the urge to blog about something. So, here I am to blog about something! *clapping for myself :P*
I wanted to share about my first School Based Experience aka SBE. Although many people have been talked about it ages ago, I just start mine now :P
Pardon my laziness my dear fellow followers :)

I had my SBE in SK Kapit, my old school. :) I chose that school because well, my mom teach at that school so it's easier for me to go everyday :P and of course, that school used to be my playground, so old memories kinda came back to me every time I walk around that school * embarrassed* tehee~
Eitha was my partner-in-crime during my SBE so I was lucky to have a new roomate for a week since she stayed at my house during that time :D

This is us on our last day of SBE :/
We have our Child Development's assignment to do actually during this period. Initially I wanted to do my task with my little cousin, Damien but I just don't know how and why I changed my mind and do my project with special needs students instead. On the bright side, that school have a class with special needs students so that was my favorite place for the entire week :)

When I went to the class, there is one little girl who caught my attention. But that afternoon, I wanted to do my project with Nelson actually. So I forgot a while about that girl and planned my session with Nelson instead. 
Hi! My name is Nelson. :) Tilt your head to see ma picha :P

On the day I did my project, I saw that girl again and again, I don't know why I wanted to do my project with her instead. So, I want you guys to meet Olivia, the super kid :D
She is a very sweet kid. She always hold me and wanted to interact with me all the time during the 2 hours of my session in the class. She's do whatever I asked her to do and she does not throw any tantrums to me at all. She also loves to take pictures and she would look at her own picture until my BB dim its light :P She always tried to solve things with her own ways despite of her disadvantages. She could not write or speak properly so I was touched to see her efforts to do things by her own. 
To be inside that class required a LOT of patience. I was very impressed with their class teachers, Mr. Bryan and Mdm. Julia for being with them the entire time. Handling special needs kids is no joke I tell you. We have to be very patient with them and do not push them to do something. Lucky for me because I had some readings before I entered the class so I knew what should I do. Thank God because all of them were behaving at their best at that time. :)

For me, this is not just a project. It also opened my eyes to see this world from a different perspective. Special needs kids need different ways of approaching, different ways of handling and I just realized about it during my 2 hours with them. Even though I only spend 2 hours with them, that precious 2 hours was one of the most valuable lesson I had learned. 

 I have learned :
*to be patient
*to be more affectionate
*to handle different kind of students
*to appreciate life
*to appreciate all kinds of human beings more
*to be more understanding

Thank you very very much guys for teaching me that :,) 
So for those out there who faced this situation, appreciate them, nurture them and don't forget to love them because they are special in their own ways :)

p/s : writing this with teary eyes :,)