Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Love as you define it..

It's been a rough year for me, and for most of my family members. One of the hardest and biggest thing is the separation. I don't want to talk about mine since it wouldn't bring any good to me, only painful and angry memories. I want to share about my point of view of living as husband and wife.

Okay, let's put ourselves in the situation where you're living with your spouse years when suddenly he/she hit you up with a news that he/she wanted to end everything. Meaning, leaving the house, the wife/husband and also the children behind to be with someone that they found later in their life.

I'm not blaming the guys only for this, only speaking from my POV where two of my closest family members did this to their wives. While I was hearing all the stories from afar, it made me think, "What is it, that's on your mind when you decided to do this to your wife?" There might be million reasons that you could think of dear guys but did you forgot of all the good things that she ever done to do you?

There are two situations here:

1. The husband lived apart from the wife due to working at different places. Everything went well until one day suddenly the husband dropped the bomb and telling the family that he wanted a divorce. Reason? He had another lover and apparently the lover has left her husband and currently pregnant with their lovechild.

2. The husband, same case with the first one, is working apart from the wife due to the wife has no luck in finding jobs for a few years. All of a sudden, the husband, cruelly asking for divorce from the wife and told her that he found someone else. They have been seeing each other for a while now and he decided to leave the family (wife and two sons) for the new girl.

I might not know much about being a wife to a husband but I have experienced almost similar to it. What is it actually that drove to you to that point of life and leaving everything behind? Is she wasn't good enough? Are you getting tired of being apart from your wife? Is your wife is burdening you for not working or she only earned a bit compared to you? For me, there is nothing we cannot solve as long as we're open to talk about it. Step aside some factors that are cannot be negotiate (like mine), Financial? Talk about it. Tell her if you need any support. I know, nothing is free now but talk does. Help her out. Talk to her nicely about it. Even better, look for some jobs that you think she can do. Don't make money as an excuse when you yourself spent a lot on yourself getting drunk during the weekend.

Her physical appearances? She's getting fat and all that? Did you knew what she has done all these time? Did you ever wanting to find out why she never spend some cash to buy make up, new clothes, new bags etc? There are a lot of reasons why girls (wife, mostly) gave up on their physical appearances. The main reason? Priority, You see, when both you barely made it alive by the end of the month, maybe with some kids at your side, do you think your wife would dare to ask for extra cash that you might can't give her to buy herself a new lipstick? I mean, are there any girls that does not want to look good for her man? I don't think so. Even if she might not dress up all fancy and put on heavy make up every time you meet her, at the back of her mind, she hopes that you can see her true beauty through her tired eyes due to staying up late to take care of the children, her rough hand due to all the chores that she did back at home, her bulging stomach due to delivering your kids, her stretch marks because of the weight that she gained because she didn't have the time to do exercises because she needs to get everything done back at home, and all other things that you might not appealing to you anymore. What about you yourself? Do you maintained every little details on you that made her fell in love with you before? Think about it.

Some might use the excuse of 'falling out of love' to get a separation. Well did you fell out of it when you spent years of monkey business-ing with her in your younger years? Marriages and dating are wayyyyyyyyyy two different things. For me, even dating has its own 'losing the sparks'. Yes. Why is that? Because of the responsibilities that we're doing or about to do. You want to get serious, he wasn't ready for it etc etc. But that's not the point, The point is how do you maintain the sparks between the two of you. Go out sometimes to have a quality times between the two of you. Even better, go have a short gateaway just for the two of you. For me, one way of not losing the sparks is trying to impress him day by day, I might not do it regularly but I have the habit of buying small things as gifts. Not for occasions, just, gifts. For me, it symbolized that no matter where I go or what I am doing, he's still on my mind and no one else. Of course, he might be second to the family. (The ticket of going back home is still winning :P) In short, just do anything or simply make time for each other. Now, falling out of love also can be due to certain things that we could not stand. Example, the way he didn't look for you, how 'not romantic' was he etc etc.. How to keep the sparks? TALK of course. Tell your partner why you're like this, like that and asks for understanding from them. You might be the kind of person that loves your own time while your partner is the clingy type. Do things that can do good to you and to your partner also. By doing this, you're saving two hearts from the heartbreaks. Unless it's something that you cannot stand at all but why stay for so long if you ended up tormenting your partner for something that you could have say to him/her years ago?

Being married also means that we have to let go of something that we might hold on to years before you're committing. If you found someone that understands your obsessions, or your passions, keep them. Trust me, they won't come around often. But then, if you already used that card with them, make sure you have that card for your spouse too, Don't be selfish, thinking that you're the only one that could do it just because you're the man of the family.

Another thing that I think might be the reason why men tend to leave or cheat their family is because men rarely lowered themselves to the point of a wife. A wife usually:

1. Stay at home and wait for you to come back while you're out with the boys.
2. Cooks and do chores for you and (almost) never failed to do so on time, even if they have other things to attend to. Eg. working moms.
3. Sacrifice for the sake of the children in terms of.. EVERYTHING.

That's the basic things that I could name while there are lot more that you guys expected it to be. Now, putting yourselves in their shoes, can you do it? Another question to ponder before you go and look for other kind of 'entertainment'.

All I can say is, we cannot stop God's fate for us but what we can do it work for it. If it's meant to be ours, it will be ours and if not, we have to let go and thank God for all that we have experienced. A relationship wasn't a work for one person but two. If you can go together, you can go a long way. And if you have someone that has been through a lot with you for the past few years, keep them. The world doesn't have much nice people around anymore. If you can't found one, then be one. That way, you can make the world a better place.

Ok, now I wanna go to do some loving :*

p/s: hot weather makes writing a lot slower than before. Hmphh. Mere excuse.