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Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Love as you define it..

It's been a rough year for me, and for most of my family members. One of the hardest and biggest thing is the separation. I don't want to talk about mine since it wouldn't bring any good to me, only painful and angry memories. I want to share about my point of view of living as husband and wife.


Okay, let's put ourselves in the situation where you're living with your spouse years when suddenly he/she hit you up with a news that he/she wanted to end everything. Meaning, leaving the house, the wife/husband and also the children behind to be with someone that they found later in their life.


I'm not blaming the guys only for this, only speaking from my POV where two of my closest family members did this to their wives. While I was hearing all the stories from afar, it made me think, "What is it, that's on your mind when you decided to do this to your wife?" There might be million reasons that you could think of dear guys but did you forgot of all the good things that she ever done to do you?

There are two situations here:

1. The husband lived apart from the wife due to working at different places. Everything went well until one day suddenly the husband dropped the bomb and telling the family that he wanted a divorce. Reason? He had another lover and apparently the lover has left her husband and currently pregnant with their lovechild.

2. The husband, same case with the first one, is working apart from the wife due to the wife has no luck in finding jobs for a few years. All of a sudden, the husband, cruelly asking for divorce from the wife and told her that he found someone else. They have been seeing each other for a while now and he decided to leave the family (wife and two sons) for the new girl.

I might not know much about being a wife to a husband but I have experienced almost similar to it. What is it actually that drove to you to that point of life and leaving everything behind? Is she wasn't good enough? Are you getting tired of being apart from your wife? Is your wife is burdening you for not working or she only earned a bit compared to you? For me, there is nothing we cannot solve as long as we're open to talk about it. Step aside some factors that are cannot be negotiate (like mine), Financial? Talk about it. Tell her if you need any support. I know, nothing is free now but talk does. Help her out. Talk to her nicely about it. Even better, look for some jobs that you think she can do. Don't make money as an excuse when you yourself spent a lot on yourself getting drunk during the weekend.

Her physical appearances? She's getting fat and all that? Did you knew what she has done all these time? Did you ever wanting to find out why she never spend some cash to buy make up, new clothes, new bags etc? There are a lot of reasons why girls (wife, mostly) gave up on their physical appearances. The main reason? Priority, You see, when both you barely made it alive by the end of the month, maybe with some kids at your side, do you think your wife would dare to ask for extra cash that you might can't give her to buy herself a new lipstick? I mean, are there any girls that does not want to look good for her man? I don't think so. Even if she might not dress up all fancy and put on heavy make up every time you meet her, at the back of her mind, she hopes that you can see her true beauty through her tired eyes due to staying up late to take care of the children, her rough hand due to all the chores that she did back at home, her bulging stomach due to delivering your kids, her stretch marks because of the weight that she gained because she didn't have the time to do exercises because she needs to get everything done back at home, and all other things that you might not appealing to you anymore. What about you yourself? Do you maintained every little details on you that made her fell in love with you before? Think about it.

Some might use the excuse of 'falling out of love' to get a separation. Well did you fell out of it when you spent years of monkey business-ing with her in your younger years? Marriages and dating are wayyyyyyyyyy two different things. For me, even dating has its own 'losing the sparks'. Yes. Why is that? Because of the responsibilities that we're doing or about to do. You want to get serious, he wasn't ready for it etc etc. But that's not the point, The point is how do you maintain the sparks between the two of you. Go out sometimes to have a quality times between the two of you. Even better, go have a short gateaway just for the two of you. For me, one way of not losing the sparks is trying to impress him day by day, I might not do it regularly but I have the habit of buying small things as gifts. Not for occasions, just, gifts. For me, it symbolized that no matter where I go or what I am doing, he's still on my mind and no one else. Of course, he might be second to the family. (The ticket of going back home is still winning :P) In short, just do anything or simply make time for each other. Now, falling out of love also can be due to certain things that we could not stand. Example, the way he didn't look for you, how 'not romantic' was he etc etc.. How to keep the sparks? TALK of course. Tell your partner why you're like this, like that and asks for understanding from them. You might be the kind of person that loves your own time while your partner is the clingy type. Do things that can do good to you and to your partner also. By doing this, you're saving two hearts from the heartbreaks. Unless it's something that you cannot stand at all but why stay for so long if you ended up tormenting your partner for something that you could have say to him/her years ago?

Being married also means that we have to let go of something that we might hold on to years before you're committing. If you found someone that understands your obsessions, or your passions, keep them. Trust me, they won't come around often. But then, if you already used that card with them, make sure you have that card for your spouse too, Don't be selfish, thinking that you're the only one that could do it just because you're the man of the family.

Another thing that I think might be the reason why men tend to leave or cheat their family is because men rarely lowered themselves to the point of a wife. A wife usually:

1. Stay at home and wait for you to come back while you're out with the boys.
2. Cooks and do chores for you and (almost) never failed to do so on time, even if they have other things to attend to. Eg. working moms.
3. Sacrifice for the sake of the children in terms of.. EVERYTHING.

That's the basic things that I could name while there are lot more that you guys expected it to be. Now, putting yourselves in their shoes, can you do it? Another question to ponder before you go and look for other kind of 'entertainment'.

All I can say is, we cannot stop God's fate for us but what we can do it work for it. If it's meant to be ours, it will be ours and if not, we have to let go and thank God for all that we have experienced. A relationship wasn't a work for one person but two. If you can go together, you can go a long way. And if you have someone that has been through a lot with you for the past few years, keep them. The world doesn't have much nice people around anymore. If you can't found one, then be one. That way, you can make the world a better place.


Ok, now I wanna go to do some loving :*











p/s: hot weather makes writing a lot slower than before. Hmphh. Mere excuse.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Ideas under Construction..

I wanted to write something but I just don't know what.

Gosh...

Am I trying to bring back this blogging thinggy? Would it be cool again? We'll just never know..



*sigh*


*going back to Facebook reading what-not news there*

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

People.

I had my crazy moments once in a while in my life and one of them is overly addicted to Chatroulette.


Chatroulette is an chatting application online where you're connected to random strangers online using video chat. It's worldwide so most of the times, we'll connected to strangers from US, Aussie or any other parts of the world. Maybe I imagined someday I found my prince charming coming from USA? Hahahahahaha! I don't know. 

Among all of them, there are two of them whom I still remember up until today. Now don't get me wrong. It's not like that I fell in love with them or what. It's just that what they said that stuck with me. 

The first one is Scott. It was Valentine's Day and as usual, I felt a bit lonely and maybe desperately wants a date(booooo me!) so there I go, Chatroulette-ing until I got connected with Scott. Although most people would said that he's just like most guys on Chatroulette, I'd say Scott is different. I don't know why but until the moment when we had to stop chatting, he made my day. He made me smile at the end of the day. I had that moment with other people on Chatroulette, I know but with him, I'd always remember what he said and how he looks like. 

The second one, I don't even know his name. He didn't ask for my name so I didn't ask him his name too. All we did is talk about random stuff until he gave me a song title that he would like me to listen to. Dear Bobbie by Yellowcard. Right after he gave me the song title, we got disconnected. And right after that, I downloaded the song without listening to it first. And what happened? It is one of my personal favorite song until today. 

Sometimes, unexpected people will come into our lives and changed it. It's either from a good way or a bad way. People can change the way you dress up, the way you behave, or your taste of music. It's the little things that changed you gradually in times. Leaving and got left behind is not and never will be easy to do. But it's a part of our lifes and we just have to learn to accept it. If one day you got hurt so bad, try to get up again and you will see how strong you can become without the people that you thought you can't live without once upon a time. 

It doesn't matter how long that person stays in your life. What matters is the impact that they left behind. For me, that's the real reason why letting go is a very hard thing to do. We can forgive but can we really forget? All it takes is just one song, one place or one book and your memories will come back to your head.

Forgetting isn't an easy thing to do, especially when a person gave you so much to remember :) 

Friday, March 28, 2014

Love

When people asked me why I always posts something related to love or feelings on Twitter or Facebook, the answer is very easy. Because I love Love. It is not like I always get hurt or jealous or something like that. I do, got hurt and hurting and that does not stop me to love again. I didn't blame Love as it was one of the most beautiful things that God gave us. Love to Him, family, friends, strangers love, and of course, boy-girl love. 


I posts things related to love not because I wanted to blame the other party aka the Boys or I want people to see that girls are hurted the most by boys. Girls can hurt too, we have to admit it. It's the feelings that I want to express. Maybe on that day I was feeling blue so all those memories will come back to me and I started to type it down or if I got some paper and pen around me, I'll jot it down. Or maybe I was happy and wanted to appreciate something so I posted happy things regarding relationship. It doesn't mean that I always have problems or too much of wanting to be love. It's just something that I love, to talk about Love, to experience Love, to give Love and to share Love. Thus, I'm writing about it. 


Sometimes, it's not a walk in the park when it comes to Love. Occasionally, we went to our seperate ways and just walk there all by ourselves. We can do that, you know, so that we have all the times for ourselves to think. And when we are not willing to give up on Love, just get our way back together. 

Love sometimes can make people give up. That feeling of not wanting to get hurt again, don't want to cry over a guy anymore or etc etc.. For me, just don't blame Love. In fact, there's no one or nothing should be blamed. All of us, including me, can go bananas when we're in love. We can do stupid things, the things that we once swore we won't do. But we can do it. Because of love. If there is anyone who still holds grudges towards their exes, my advise, is to forgive. People will come and go from our live and it is either they are lessons to us or a blessing. Either way, it brings good thing to us. 










So exes, thank you. :) 
For showing me the way to my future ;)

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Rabak

Bila hati dah rabak, kita pura-pura kita ok. Kita senyum, bagitau orang tiada apa-apa. Sedangkan dalam hati, sakit. Yup, kalau orang cakap sakit hati, literally, hati akan sakit. Tak tau kat orang lain la tapi kalau kat aku, dapat rasa sakit sikit la dada sambil tahan marah atau air mata. No, no one noticed your feelings. 


Janji adalah satu word yang memang power. Kalau kita janji, kita mesti tunaikan. Kalau tak dapat tunaikan, pastikan ada sebab yang betul-betul munasabah. Jangan kita janji lepas tu kita lupa, pura-pura macam janji tu sesuatu yang main buat tapi tak tunaikan. 

"Nanti saya jumpa awak" 

"Awak tunggu kat sana nanti saya datang"

"Kalau awak nak, nanti kita boleh pergi"

"Saya janji saya takkan hilang rasa cinta terhadap awak" 


Humans are good in promising something. But not all good enough to fulfil their promises. 
Bagi kita janji ni macam child's play, kita janji then kita lupa. Macam tu jer. Macam kita main pinky promise dengan kawan time kecik dulu. Without our knowings, ada hati yang sedih kalau janji awak tu tak ditunaikan, even kalau awak dapat tunaikan. Awak fikir maybe ada sebab yang sangat baik bagi awak untuk lupa janji awak tapi sebenarnya sebab tu awak boleh elak, boleh ubah, awak jer yang taknak ubah. 

Bagi aku, kalau benda tu boleh ubah, usahakanlah untuk ubah. Kita tak sedar ada orang tunggu kita ubah, supaya janji dapat ditunaikan. Ala-ala macam janji ditepati. Kalau kita letak 100% hati kita, janji tu kita dapat. Tapi kalau hati 2-3, cara paling selamat, jangan janji apa-apa. 












"Saya janji saya akan sayang awak sampai bila-bila" 





Janji yang cukup sakit.